Those Phrases given by A Father Which Rescued Us as a New Parent

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for a year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the reality rapidly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good place. You require some help. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to discussing the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles dads encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a wider inability to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a show of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to request a pause - spending a couple of days abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "poor actions" when younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he says. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the security and nurturing he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their struggles, altered how they talk, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."